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When you've only got a hundred years to live

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Well, I'm not too keen on our president or our congress (though I do like DeMint), but man I do love our tax returns!
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ive never denied that i am a conservative and will vote for mccain/palin in november. thats not what this is about.
im tired of the politics (that i love so much) and im tired of campaign ads (from both parties). what i want to know is this. who is going to represent me. not some financial institution. not some minority. me. a young married woman with a lot of debt just trying to get by. both candidates have millions. i just dont see why someone needs to be a millionaire to be president. i want a president that knows hardships AS AN ADULT. i want a president that knows what its like to sit with bills in one hand, a calculator on the table and a checkbook register that reads 0000. i want a president that knows that paying this much for gas is killing me. dont tell me obama understands me. dont tell me mccain can fix it. news flash. NEITHER OF THEM CAN. they just passed a 700 billion dollar bailout and the stocks have plunged nearly 1000 points in two days AFTER it passed. yeah that was the answer. i want someone who will go in to the white house and fire everyone (ok, you can keep the servants, but the rest has gotta go.) i want a 100% new congress, a 100% new cabinet, a 100% new washington d.c. come on give me a break. obama has no experience. a community orgainizer, whatever. mccain, the maverick, has been in washington for 25 years. shouldnt he have changed it by now? this is just ridiculous.

January 20, 2009. We're Screwed.
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It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
Current Mood:
crushed crushed
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Wulf and Eadwacer (ca. 800)

His being gone is a gift to my people.
They will destroy him if he comes near,
but I welcomed him.

Wulf is on one island, I on another.
The island is safe, surrounded by fens.
Angry warriors are on that island.
They will destroy him if he comes near,
but I welcomed him.

I wait despairing while my Wulf wanders.
When it rained, I sat and cried.
When the brave man hugged me,
I was happy, it was loathsome.

Wulf, my Wulf, waiting for you,
for your seldom coming has made me sick.
I'm not starving but my mind is hungry

Eadwacer, do you hear? A wolf carries off
our wretched whelp to the woods.

What was never bound is easily broken:
our song together.

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theres something so wonderfully simple about lj compared to myspace. it reminds me of this easier time in life called high school. who ever thought high school would be the easy part? not me for sure. ive spent the past two days looking up everyone i ever knew it seems on myspace. and boy there were some surprises for me. the girls i figured how theyd turn out. its the boys that threw me. nick really. wow is he hot. ive always had a thing for him but man did he turn out sexy. so that leads me in some way onto what id really like to discuss. this whole marriage thing... maybe its just cause ive been sick and stuck inside for the last week and now im getting cabin fever and going crazy and regreting every decision ive ever made in my whole life. maybe its cause on my wedding day, standing in the classroom with jess and alesha i knew i was making a mistake. maybe its because the first week of being married was nothing like i pictured. maybe its because ive been married for almost two years now and really feel like a 40 year old woman who should have lots of cats. im just not sure im happy here. ive wondered this off and on for the past two years. maybe its my quarter life crisis. at first i thought i wanted a baby. now i dont. then i thought i just needed to finish school. now thats not it. money problems? solved. maybe i need God. i dont know. i just need something here that im not getting. dont get me wrong i love josh. i love him so much that sometimes i feel like i cant take another breath unless hes next to me, holding my hand. and sometimes he annoys the hell out of me but overall i love him and our life together. i guess im not the typical 22 year old and maybe i feel like im missing out because of that. i dont like going to clubs and bars. i dont mind drinking, in fact, i do enjoy it, just not all the time. whatever i guess. tomorrow ill be so in love with josh that id never consider leaving him and this will all just be some hysterics i had from watching too much tv, taking too much nyquil, and drinking too much water and juice. i guess ill be ok.

i guess reba summed it up for me:

she married when she was 20
thought she was ready
now shes not so sure
she thought shed done some living
now shes just wonderin
what she livin for
oh theres got to be something more

is there life out there
so much she hasnt done
is their life beyond
her family and her home
shes done what she should
should she do what she dares

she doesnt wanna leave
shes just wonderin if theres life out there
Current Mood:
discontent discontent
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wow so i havent posted in almost an entire year. it really sucks not having a computer. maybe that will be mine and josh's chrismas present to each other.... i just finshed finalizing all the details for my one year anniversary vacation and i am so so so so so excited. can you believe i have been married for one whole year? i sure cant. tommorow will be 11 months. and they said we wouldnt last 6. HA. showed them didnt we? josh is watching this guy make cheese and as much as i like cheese it really makes me wanna throw up. looks like throw up. i cannot believe the summer is almost half over... noooooo i am so tired of school. i guess i should hurry up and finish so i dont have to keep going but its so hard and so boring and geez i hate it so much... maybe i shouldnt be a teacher then huh? oh well. thats life.

well alesha and peter are coming over soon so i gotta go home! we are going swimming and i am super excited!

Current Mood:
excited excited
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and its all right, ill be fine, dont worry about this heart of mine, just take your love and hit the road. theres nothing you can do or say youre gonna break my heart anyway, just leave the pieces when you go.

so news flash...

im getting married in 2 weeks and three days. if you want the hours and minutes youll have to talk to josh. he knows. isnt that sweet? or freaky. either way. i am so so so excited. i still havent gotten shoes, but dont worry, i found them. i just need to go buy them.

omg best news ever-- josh's parents paid for us to move to Autumn Woods on Bethel road. they didnt like the apartment we got, so they paid for us to get out of our 5 day old lease, and change the electricity over, and put the deposits, etc., on our new one. PLUS they are paying the difference in the two rents (about 200 dollars) every single month until we graduate from college or move somewhere else that they approve of lol. how freakin awesome is that?

im meeting with the caterers and stuff at the church tomorrow to make final preparations. can you really believe i am getting married? like none of my friends are married. NONE. i am the first. wow. and no one else is with anyone as old as josh, not that hes old. dang. this cannot be my life. i am so excited!
Current Mood:
cheerful cheerful
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ok id like to broach a subject that is sure to be looked down upon by the general population.

Brittney Spears is not an awful mother.

OK so maybe she's not the worlds best or the ideal mom or anything but it could be so much worse. how many moms havent almost dropped their child? i know for a fact both me and my sister were dropped (yes explains a lot, i know, but so were you!) and yeah his carseat was in backwards, but seriously, no one said she was the brightest. honest mistake. and she was trying to get the baby away from what she saw as a harmful situation. what mother wouldnt put the baby in their lap for a quick getaway. at least she is with the baby. she hasnt pawned him off permanently to some nanny. shes always seen with him. thats a lot more than can be said for most hollywood moms. i think shes doing fine and i really wish TV people would stop criticizing her for her motherhood. theres so much other material to discuss about her. like her white trashiness. leave the baby part alone.

besides if anyone is the bad parent, its gotta be kevin. have you EVER seen a pic of him with the baby? does he LOOK like a good, responsible parent to you? uh no.
Current Music:
beautiful disaster
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im having a mini wedding catastrophe. ok not really. just a huge delimma. im trying to place my order for boutonnieres and corsages. josh is getting rose with filler in red (cause my bouquet is red). both dads are getting two rose with no filler in white. the groomsman is getting a single white no filler. so what color do i get the moms?!? red or white?!?! i think red would be prettier and stand out more. but josh and i are the only ones with red... my bridesmaids have whie bouquets, thats why the groomsman do. and joshs dad is a groomsman so his is white, so i want him to match my dad, so my dads is white. so what color does that make my mom? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh kill me now. never in my life did i think it would matter what freaking color flower i have to buy.

in other news... my wedding dress came in yesterday. im going to pick it up tomorrow! YAY!
also, im going to get my marriage licence tomorrow morning. then im going shopping for something to wear to my bridal showers. should i wear white and red? or any color? does it matter? OMG this is too much!
Current Mood:
confused confused
Current Music:
this will be... an everlasting love
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wow i have gotten so much done this week. ive bought my dress. ive picked out my cake. ive bought: my guestbook and pen, my centerpieces, my pew decorations, my bridesmaid gifts, josh's shirt and shoes, bubbles for the wedding. ive mailed out all the invitations. ive formed my rsvp list. ive halfway planned the honeymoon. ive gotten the music. ive decided how i want my hair. weve gotten my sisters dress and my moms dress. OHH AND I GOT MY BOUQUETS. everything is coming together so well. joshs parents are planning the reception for me. alesha and i are going shopping for bridesmaids dresses and my SHOES on thursday. and ive got two bridal showers coming up. im so excited about this...

i still have to get gift boxes, the knife set, a veil, shoes, cameras, and a wedding present for josh.
WE OPENED A JOINT BANK AND SAVINGS ACCOUNT TODAY. its like im really getting married. wow.

jess when do you think youll be coming up? and are you coming alone? if you do we could have a sleepover!!! wouldnt that be fun?
Current Mood:
excited excited
Current Music:
I'll Be
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