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theres something so wonderfully simple about lj compared to myspace.…

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theres something so wonderfully simple about lj compared to myspace. it reminds me of this easier time in life called high school. who ever thought high school would be the easy part? not me for sure. ive spent the past two days looking up everyone i ever knew it seems on myspace. and boy there were some surprises for me. the girls i figured how theyd turn out. its the boys that threw me. nick really. wow is he hot. ive always had a thing for him but man did he turn out sexy. so that leads me in some way onto what id really like to discuss. this whole marriage thing... maybe its just cause ive been sick and stuck inside for the last week and now im getting cabin fever and going crazy and regreting every decision ive ever made in my whole life. maybe its cause on my wedding day, standing in the classroom with jess and alesha i knew i was making a mistake. maybe its because the first week of being married was nothing like i pictured. maybe its because ive been married for almost two years now and really feel like a 40 year old woman who should have lots of cats. im just not sure im happy here. ive wondered this off and on for the past two years. maybe its my quarter life crisis. at first i thought i wanted a baby. now i dont. then i thought i just needed to finish school. now thats not it. money problems? solved. maybe i need God. i dont know. i just need something here that im not getting. dont get me wrong i love josh. i love him so much that sometimes i feel like i cant take another breath unless hes next to me, holding my hand. and sometimes he annoys the hell out of me but overall i love him and our life together. i guess im not the typical 22 year old and maybe i feel like im missing out because of that. i dont like going to clubs and bars. i dont mind drinking, in fact, i do enjoy it, just not all the time. whatever i guess. tomorrow ill be so in love with josh that id never consider leaving him and this will all just be some hysterics i had from watching too much tv, taking too much nyquil, and drinking too much water and juice. i guess ill be ok.

i guess reba summed it up for me:

she married when she was 20
thought she was ready
now shes not so sure
she thought shed done some living
now shes just wonderin
what she livin for
oh theres got to be something more

is there life out there
so much she hasnt done
is their life beyond
her family and her home
shes done what she should
should she do what she dares

she doesnt wanna leave
shes just wonderin if theres life out there
Current Mood:
discontent discontent
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[User Picture]
On March 21st, 2008 10:03 pm (UTC), stupidkindalove commented:
hey amber...
sorry you're feeling this way. you really think getting married was a mistake? i know what you mean because i practically feel like i'm married and sometimes there are just those days when you feel trapped--like you haven't really lived yet. it could pass, and it probably will. but if you keep feeling this way, don't forget that it's you who's most important in life when it comes to pleasing and making happy.
[User Picture]
On March 22nd, 2008 02:16 am (UTC), secret_entity replied:
aww jess thats really sweet. thanks. i think you got it right, i do feel trapped sometimes. sometimes he makes me so happy i could die, and then the next day im ready to leave. i think everything will be ok. it always is, right? :)
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